Huh.

What do you do when your heart isn't ready to feel, but your mind says that it's time to forgive and let live?

My head says I'm being ridiculous, that I'm behaving like a kid and I should buck up. My heart says that it isn't willing to trust yet, that it'll just get hurt again.

Where's the line between being cautious and being overcautious? My mind says go, my heart says no. Distance is a healer, but only if it lasts forever.

I was confronted with an ex about a month back, and I quickly found out that distance only heals if it's forever. So distance won't work. All my life I've run from problems, traded them for new beginnings. For the past few years I've been trying to face my issues. I've grown so much from fighting my battles instead of running from them.

So, if distance won't work, and I'm not emotionally ready to go forth, then what? Huh. I guess I'll have to think on that one.

She lives!

Have I ever told you how much I love randomly disappearing from the internet? It's freeing, I tell you. So much happiness and relief from stress.

But since I've been gone a while, here's an update on me:

I'm home (which is amazing, and definitely where I'm supposed to be right now) while taking summer classes at a (sort of) nearby university. The hour and 20 minute commute is tough some days, but I love the chance to sing along with the radio at the top of my lungs with no one watching (or listening!). I also get loads of time to think.

And I'm finally happy again. It's nice not to have to stress about anything more serious than schoolwork. No more drama, no more struggling for money, no more just....general life-suck. I'm ready to start living life again, and I'm excited about what the future holds (even though I still have no idea what's going to happen after July).

I won't be online much, because internet at home is awful, and because like I said, it's nice to take a break. I don't need this blog to garner approval from people when I can talk to them face to face, nor do I really need to cultivate approval at all. I am who I am, and with each day I care less and less about the naysayers.

That's what the loving support of a good family does, and mine is definitely the best family ever (even with all our quirks).

I'll be burying my nose in Spanish homework now, like a good student...before going to job training! I'm working at a gymnastics academy as a secretary (no way I can be a gymnast, that would be a hilarious sight).

Peace out!