I haven't ever really had to deal with the death of a loved one, and now that it's a possibility, I really don't know how I feel. I don't want to have to deal with this. I don't want this. I'm angry and sad...and I'm not even the one dying. I feel like I don't deserve to be angry or sad because I'm not the one directly affected. I'm not sick.
But that doesn't change how emotionally crushed I am. I really don't know how to deal. And I probably will never know how to deal.
Maybe that's okay.