Thursday, May 7, 2009

Of the strange sickness of heart called Loneliness...

I'm here in my dorm room, watching Jane Eyre with Lauren. I'm struck by the notion that I have nothing to do...and I don't particularly like that. All day I've been getting some minute things accomplished, such as selling back my books and getting my CSER forms signed. But now I have nothing really to do. No schedule to keep, nothing to work on.

You'd think I'd be excited and happy about that. You'd think I'd be thrilled that I'm done with school and such.

But...everyone is gone from LU. All my friends, my roommates, most everyone that I care about has left, or will be leaving tomorrow. I can't stand being left here. I can't stand everyone leaving one by one. I'm still resolved to keep myself busy until graduation, and I think I can manage it. However, I am not happy here any longer, not with everyone else gone.

LU is but an empty shell without it's occupants. It must be hard for the Falwell's when we leave, as they stay here throughout the summer while the students leave for home. The students are the lifeblood of this place. We keep this place alive, and give it its character. Without us, this place has no heart, no liveliness.

So, being here without the heart of LU is a most distressing experience. I know, I know, I should be okay with this. I should just be tough. And I am trying to be. I am managing to retain my sanity, and keep my cool. But I am lonely. And I have never handled loneliness well.

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